A firefighter has a sinking feeling in his stomach while on his way to a training session after missing the last two due to family obligations. The first person to see him upon arrival is his lieutenant, who says, “Here's the stranger.”

This situation occurs all too often in fire stations everywhere. How do you think that firefighter felt? Does it encourage him to keep coming around? When the other firefighters hear a comment like that, do you think it also affects them? How do you think comments like that affect overall retention? Sure, firefighters have tough skin, but it might not be what was said but how and by whom.

A person I highly respect once told me, “Words are like tools; they can tear down and build up.” Words are even more powerful coming from an officer. Simply saying “nice job” can do a great deal to build a person's self-esteem, while “jerk” can be as devastating as a wrecking ball on a building, especially if it comes from an authority figure.

We all know that there's more to being an fire officer than what meets the eye. We can list the obvious qualifications necessary for command. But there is a very important one that's sometimes overlooked, and it's more important than a knowledge of fire science: good communication skills. Officers always must remember that whatever they say and however they say it carries much more weight now than when they were firefighters.

Officers need to be able to interact with members under their command and maintain a conversation. Knowing these necessary communication skills will not only help them be more effective around the fire station but will carry out to the field.

A little praise from anyone in an authority position, including a committee chairperson, means a great deal to those under that person's command and can go a long way in establishing mutual respect. In any interaction, using the member's first name gives that person a feeling of importance and may remove any barriers that he or she might think exist. It's also important to recognize when a member is fishing for a compliment. If that happens and the compliment is deserved, don't hesitate to give it.

If a member comes to an officer with a problem, it's essential to let him or her vent and deliver an uninterrupted message. This will allow the emotions on both sides to subside; give the officer a clearer, overall picture of the problem from the member's perspective; and give the officer time to think of an appropriate, unemotional response.

When considering the problem, officers should ask themselves whether the member might have a point before responding negatively. A new worthwhile perspective on an issue can come not only from experienced members but also from newer members. An officer must always be open to new ideas and change, no matter how hard that might be.

It's always good for the officer to express sympathy for the situation and try for a win-win solution. But he or she also should realize that situations often are not black and white; sometimes the solutions require compromise. Finally, unless dealing with a person who is often insubordinate, the officer should ignore aggressively challenging questions to keep the emotional level of the situation low.

Whether dealing with a member's problem or one of his or her own, an officer should ask for advice. This shows that the person in authority places value in members' opinions. It's important to avoid certain phrases that usually are interpreted in the wrong way. People might react negatively to suggestions of falsehood such as “I don't believe you” and “That's not true,” or to suggestions that come off as commands such as “You'd better” or “Do it my way.”

Sometimes it's better to substitute these trigger words with a softer approach, such as “May I suggest,” “I would appreciate” or “I would prefer.” Depending on the circumstances, some of these phrases may strengthen the respect that an officer's personnel have for him or her.

Sometimes people say things that they don't mean just to remove themselves from an uncomfortable situation. As an officer, it's key to realize when these instances occur and not end the interaction with comments like “I don't care” or “There's no problem.” The officer should gently question the person further and look at body language, eyes and facial expression to be sure that what's said is what's really meant.

If possible, an officer should never leave an interaction with a member of the department if he or she is unsure if the topic has been resolved. It is all too often that things get blown off by both parties when one of the parties makes a comment like those mentioned above.

Up to now I have been talking about one-on-one interactions with the members under an officer's direct command. But as we all know, it is an excellent technique to do some managing by roving, making a point to get out of the office and walk among the troops. It is at times like these when an officer should make a point to be engaged in conversation. When he or she is having a conversation, it's important to show interest in what is being said, to be mindful of body language and facial expressions, and to look attentive and interested. This will encourage further conversation.

Officers should try not to talk about themselves or try to steer the discussion toward others. They should have a sense of humor without being obnoxious. Also, officers should remember that what might be funny to them might be taken seriously by department members due to the fact that it came from an officer. They should be enthusiastic without overdoing it. It's easy to see when someone is not sincere and is pretending to enjoy a conversation. A good conversationalist is able to speak about a wide range of topics and is well read. Above all, when someone is speaking, an officer should never interrupt, but rather let the person finish a point before commenting.

Overall, holding the rank of chief, officer or position of authority makes what is said have a great effect on the people with whom the officer interacts. Communication skills are one of the most important qualifications that should be looked at in officer development. Simply remember that officers with good communication skills are patient, let people speak their piece and hold their tongue until people are finished, no matter how difficult that may become.

So next time when that firefighter comes into the fire station after missing a couple of training sessions, remember the lyrics from a song by Cher, “Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes.”

---

Chief Mike Chiaramonte is a 35-year member of the Lynbrook (N.Y.) Fire Department and a past chief of the department. He's currently the chief fire inspector, where he's responsible for code enforcement and prevention education. Chiaramonte was a past chairman and board member of the IAFC Volunteer and Combination Officers Section Board and New York State Director to the IAFC Eastern Division. He's also a National Fire Academy Instructor and an adviser to the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation. Chiaramonte is a state EMT-CC and an instructor at the Nassau County EMS Academy. He has a bachelor's degree from the University of Houston and a master's degree from Hofstra University, both in communications education.