The Golden Rule is all wrong. Not everyone would have done unto them as you would have done onto you. What if your way really irritates them and completely shuts them down? You think you're doing right by them, but you might not be.

A better rule might be “Treat others the way they want to be treated.” The key is having the ability to figure out how people like to be treated. This is what people skills are all about, treating people in ways that are effective for them, not just for you. People skills are at the core of communication, conflict management and leadership.

Did you know that 80% of those who fail in their jobs do so from a lack of people skills? Without people skills we fail to communicate, we increase conflict, we drown in diversity and we lower everyone's performance on the job.

But people are very complex and difficult to figure out. Ask anyone who is or has been married or who has kids. Maybe the person who hasn't ever had a good long-term relationship is more proof. The complexity of the mix of people in the fire service continues to rise. How can you get a handle on the complexities of human behavior?

Character helix

Any complex system is rendered simpler through the use of a model. Once you understand the basic model, you apply it on a regular basis and soon you can use it for more complex situations. For example, Nobel Prize winners James Watson and Francis Crick started with a cardboard cutout model of DNA, and now we have the human genome completely mapped. The same holds true for determining job performance.

So what does a basic model of job performance look like? It looks like this:

Job performance = A + B + C

where A = attitudes or values, B = behavioral style and C = competencies.

Knowledge of people's attitudes tells us why they do things. Attitudes drive behavior and cause passion for activities, careers and conversations. They are the “why” of actions. These attitudes are the window through which people view the world. If a discussion, activity or career is in line with attitudes, the experience will be valued.

Conversely, if a conversation, activity or career is contrary to dominant attitudes, there will be indifference or even negativity toward the experience, possibly causing stress and conflict. Once you know which attitudes drive actions, you will be able to understand values-based causes of conflict.

Good posturing

Understanding attitudes also will help you develop an increased appreciation for others' individuality and differing viewpoints.

There are the six basic attitudes. Can you identify yourself and your members in these categories?

Theoretical individuals yearn to discover, systematize and analyze; they are on a constant search for knowledge.

Utilitarian individuals want a return on the investment of their time.

Aesthetic individuals seek to experience the impressions of the world and achieve form and harmony in life; they are looking for self-actualization.

Social individuals have a desire to eliminate hate and conflict in the world and to assist others in becoming all they can be.

Individualistic individuals try to achieve position and use that position to affect and influence others.

Traditional individuals seek out and pursue the higher meaning in life and achieve a system for living.

People rank the order of importance for these attitudes. There usually are two that individuals feel strongly about and need to have to feel fulfilled. Those two attitudes propel action. People will feel positive when talking, listening or doing activities that satisfy their top two attitudes, their dominant drivers in life.

Then there usually are two attitudes about which individuals feel strongly about based on the situation. Feelings range from positive to indifferent based on other priorities at the time. These attitudes tend to become more important as top attitudes are satisfied.

Finally, there are two attitudes that people are indifferent or antagonistic about. This is where conflict potential lies. You've heard statements like, “Different strokes for different folks,” “to each his own,” and “people do things for their own reasons.” When with a group of people who share similar attitudes, a person will fit in with the group and be energized. However, when in a group whose attitudes are significantly different, a person may be perceived as out of the mainstream. These differences can induce stress or conflict.

When you understand attitudes, you can better understand and appreciate your relationships. You will recognize your attitudes and those other people, seeing how they intersect and interact.

How would people with different attitudes answer the following questions?

• Should we protect wildlife at the expense of a person's vocation?
• Should we spend a larger portion of our tax dollars on the fire department, or would the money be better spent on roads and other community infrastructure?
• What percentage of the department budget should go to training and what percentage to fire prevention?
• Should a female be allowed to play football as a kicker on an all-male team in high school? In college? In the pros?

These are attitudes and values questions. There is only a right or wrong answer if you see only your attitude as reasonable. Other attitudes bring a different perspective to every question.

Model behavior

Behavioral style tells us how people behave and perform in the work environment, or how they carry out the actions set by their attitude.

A person's behavior is a necessary and integral part of who he or she is. Behavior comes from “nature,” or what is inherent, and from “nurture,” or upbringing. It's the universal language of “how we act.” Current behavioral research suggests that the most effective people are those who understand their own strengths and weaknesses, so they can develop strategies to meet the demands of their environment. As management expert Peter Drucker states, “Success comes to those who know themselves, their strengths, their values and how they best perform.”

The ability to interact effectively with people is the difference between success and failure in professional and personal life. Effective interaction starts with an accurate perception of oneself. Then you need an accurate perception of others. This behavioral model will help you understand yourself and others better.

There are four dimensions of behavioral style. They are:

1. How you respond to problems and challenges.

2. How you influence others to your point of view, or simply how you deal with people.

3. How you respond to the pace of the environment.

4. How you respond to rules and procedures set by others.

All people exhibit all four behavioral styles to varying degrees. One of these will be the dominant or most regularly used behavioral style.

This model will help you understand yourself better; recognize, understand and appreciate others more; and adapt your style to improve communication, reduce conflict and increase job performance.

But what does this mean? What are these styles about? Let's look at these behaviors one at a time.

1. Problems

   People with this dominant style have a need to direct, to take on challenges and risks. They have a strong desire to win, and they communicate very directly and to the point. They can be impatient, have a short fuse, will fight back in a conflict situation and will make decisions quickly. They will challenge the status quo.

2. People

   These individuals have a need to interact with others and want to be liked. To that end they reveal emotions readily, are poised and rely on verbal skills to influence others. They are optimistic extroverts who like to verbalize ideas, are good at conflict negotiation, and can motivate and persuade others.

3. Pace

   These people have a need to serve others; be loyal, patient and relaxed; and establish long-term relationships. They do not like change and will need a lot of preparation to accept it. They like a steady, easy pace.

4. Procedures

   These people need to have proof and evidence, to work within established procedures, to do it by the book, and to be precise and detailed. These people will want a lot of data, will be very reserved and organized, and will avoid risk.

Keep in mind that some people have opposite traits to these. For example the opposite of problems behaviors would be people who don't like challenges, who are very introspective or impulsive, or don't care about rules. For each dominant style, there's an opposite.

Can you see how a conversation will go around the table between a person with a dominant style of problems and one of pace? One wants to get things moving, shake things up and do it now. The other wants to slow down, be convinced of change and lower the risk. There will be conflict from the start.

How do you lead someone who is a dominant procedures type? Do so carefully, with a lot of details on what and why you are doing things; they need clear requirements and procedures, and they need time to think.

How can you be a better follower when you are a dominant people person and your boss is a dominant procedures type? Make sure you always have enough facts, be prepared and persistent but not rushed. You'll need to help the other person see that the risk is actually low.

Able-bodied

After behaviors come competencies, which are how people act on their behaviors. A review of competencies, which include experiences, education and training, tells what a person can do.

Competencies can be divided into two types, hard skills and soft skills. Hard skills are the mechanical aspects of job performance, like hose evolutions, rescue procedures, EMS protocols and SOPs. Soft skills, also referred to as people skills or emotional intelligence, are the less tangible but more important aspects of the job. Organizational development research shows that of the abilities deemed essential for effective performance, more than 65% are soft skills.

There are 23 soft-skill competencies that can be applied to any job, including leadership, decision-making, communication, goal orientation, conflict management and more. The trick is to find out which ones are most important for superior job performance, called position competencies, and then determine which ones you have mastered, called individual competencies. You can then train for the gap.

This seems especially important for the role of station officer in the fire service today. Station officers are the critical point of success or failure of crews and departments. They need to know what skills are required for the job and how to obtain the skills they might need to improve. If you don't know what skills are needed for great performance, you won't get great performance.

For example, two lieutenants with comparable hard-skill competencies just have been promoted, one from a department that included soft-skill competencies in their promotional process and one that did not.

One new lieutenant took the time to review the department's published competencies list and even took an individual competency assessment. He knew six months ahead of the exam that he needed to develop his leadership, interpersonal and decision-making skills, as they were all ranked as critical for success as a lieutenant in this department. The other lieutenant had no idea which skills were important for the job. He also had no idea which skills he had mastered and which he needed to work on.

Which one do you think will go on to become an excellent fireground commander and leader of people? Which one will be more effective?

Show me a job performance problem, and its root cause and solution comes from this model.

Attitudes, behavioral styles, and individual and positional competencies can be determined through the use of assessments. These are questionnaires that can be filled out on paper or online. The reports generated will provide detailed information about attitudes, behaviors and competencies. These assessments are widely used in the private sector for recruitment, promotion and skills training. The fire service can also put these to good use in similar ways.

Apply the ABCs in your department and you will find that the more you treat people the way they want to be treated, the better life will be.

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Bob Pessemier is a 10-year veteran of the fire service, having served as a firefighter, lieutenant and assistant fire marshal. He's a former Washington State Fire Training Academy instructor and is the author of Up In Smoke: A Business Guide to Fire and Life Safety, which was nominated for a national award from the American Risk & Insurance Association. Pessemier is a certified professional behavioral analyst and is president of Performance Metrics, which provides skills analysis, assessments and soft-skills training exclusively to fire service clients. Contact Pessemier at 425-373-5432 or Bob@Performance-Metrics.com.