September is a bittersweet month. Hopefully it will end a particularly hot, dry summer and begin a cooler change of seasons. Typically, September is a time of new beginnings and shorter days. It's time to get down to business after months of summer activities and relaxed attitudes.

It's a time for happy milestones for families as children begin a new school year or leave home for college. And it's a time for sad memories for those who lost friends and loved ones on Sept. 11, 2001, as they participate in annual memorials. The absence of a lost parent or family member continues to cast a shadow on family milestones.

I recently received a new book in the mail, A Widow's Walk: A Memoir of 9/11 by Marian Fontana, one of the founding members of the 9/11 Widow's and Victim's Families Association. It's the story of how this woman, whose husband was an FDNY firefighter, brought together victims' families to protect their interest and sustain honor in the memory of lost loved ones.

It's a story of a firefighter spouse who knew the job was dangerous, but worry, uncertainty and prayer were as much a part of the commitment as love, honor and cherish. It's a sentiment I've heard often.

Several months ago, I was asked to speak about “The Chief at Home” at the Department of Defense' Annual Awards Banquet. Not being married to a fire chief, the topic was an interesting challenge.

So I turned to a longtime friend and retired fire chief and his wife for insight from their 49 years of marriage. While the chief recommended that wives “turn off the scanner,” his wife countered that hearing his voice on the scanner let her know “he was in charge and OK.”

I pulled out some favorite books on marriage to prepare for the talk. There was plenty of good common-sense advice that applies to marriages and commitments that cross all professions: respect, trust and communication.

We recently surveyed our readers and their spouses and partners for their input on chiefs at home and in the fire department Most of the answers involved pride in the chief's commitment to the community, while one wife replied she liked being called “First Lady” by the firefighters.

As a fire chief, you have an assortment of deputies, assistants and others to help you take on the daily battles of the job. When you go home at the end of the day or shift, you probably hang up your badge and change out of the white shirt. But do you leave your job outside the door? According to the survey results, several spouses cited the lack of time and that chiefs are “always on duty.”

Every job offers stressful times that can raise blood pressure and if unchecked could create a stress-related illness. Whether a fire chief, doctor or association director, outside stresses can infiltrate your home and mix with the day-to-day stress of relationships and of life in general. Top it off with demands from politics and taxpayers and a steady dose of bad news, and stress can be debilitating to personal relationships.

Being committed to someone who runs into burning buildings or is regularly praised as a hero can be tough for a spouse, especially when disaster strikes and you run to aid others, leaving your loved one behind. Being part of a firefighter's family is not for wimps.

This month, as we remember the fallen of Sept. 11, let's also remember the spouses and partners who have stoically — sometimes reluctantly — picked up the pieces and kept moving forward for their families. They will also be in our thoughts and prayers in October over the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation Memorial Weekend.

Death has a way of paralyzing the survivors, some permanently. Most grief-stricken survivors eventually find an inner strength to survive, and a few find a way turn the devastation into a force to fight back and change lives.

In her book, Fontana recalls the holidays spent with her husband, Dave: “…eleven Christmases, eighteen Valentine's Days, nine Easters, five Mother's Days and fifteen New Year's.” Four years later, she still has strong views on the aftermath of Sept. 11 and how it continues to play out politically and in the media.

Milestones and memorials are for those left behind.