Many years ago, Groucho Marx had a television program called "You Bet Your Life." I don't remember the nature of the game Marx played with contestants, but I do remember that he always had a secret word on his show. At the beginning of the show, Marx would have a wooden duck drop down with a sign and the secret word. If one of the contestants said the secret word, the duck would drop down again and the contestant would win a bonus.

Recently, a number of acronyms have been causing an uproar: DHS, FEMA, ODP, USFA, NFA and IAFC. (Hey, no IAFF?) Say the acronym of the week and words fly!

I have reported before that quite a few National Fire Academy students have written to us about how they were told -- in classes -- about the cuts in funding and programs at the academy. Yet we've heard from people in the know that it's just belt-tightening; it isn't that bad. Either way, a number of good programs continue to come out of the U.S. Fire Administration, National Fire Academy and the Federal Emergency Management Agency.

Nearly $2 billion has been put into the FIRE Grant program alone. I have confirmed that the Harvard Fellowship program is fully funded and applications are open until Jan. 31. We've heard that the Department of Homeland Security doesn't care about prevention, but as part of the 2004 FIRE Grants, $27.5 million was appropriated for fire prevention activities.

I've heard from a number of fire chiefs from across the country who say the classes at the National Fire Academy are too outdated, too limited or too expensive to travel to for their departments. Plus,"two weeks is too long to be away," said one deputy chief from Iowa. While others thirsting for any knowledge and training leave the NFA exhilarated by the experience (I did from my short visit!).

The USFA and FEMA are in a tug of war over the fire service, the National Fire Academy, and/or positioning within DHS. DHS on the other hand has been accused of ignoring and pigeonholing the fire service and trying to roll it into some other agency, while trying to be the ultimate security bubble for the United States.

And now the IAFC is the latest acronym tossed onto the bonfire. The International Association of Fire Chiefs is accused of having "laryngitis," faltering leadership and of missing certain parts of the anatomy for not standing up for the fire service in this political fray.

Meanwhile, has any of this verbal bile accomplished anything except display a bloody cockfight for the White House and for local fire services. Who wins? Well, probably the cops, the Transportation Security Administration and the Department of Defense!

For all of the words flung about, a multitude is silently standing by who just want to know where the fire service is headed. Could somebody on the East Coast please stand up and tell us what's really going on? Spell it out, so we can move on and properly prepare the real first responders.

Maybe we should put one credible person from each of the above acronyms in a room and keep them there -- with no potty breaks -- until they a) sort out how DHS will recognize (and fund) the fire service as an integral part of the security of our country; b) create a goal to make the National Fire Academy the leading institution for the development of the leaders of the future emergency service; and c) get with the technology and training options that the rest of the country has in its Palm Pilots and laptops.

Your life depends on being prepared and properly trained. Are you willing to make that bet?

Janet Wilmoth